The best news you can get from your doctor is no news at all. A clean bill of health is something everyone wants, that is, everyone but this mama. Sound crazy? Let me explain. Imagine feeling tired, run down, sore and achy, as if you ran a 26 mile marathon, in stilettos, for no real reason. I’ve been feeling this way for weeks, months even. So what did I do? I made an appointment to see my doctor, several doctors. They pricked me, ran their tests and everything came back perfectly clean and healthy, no issues at all. As relieved as I was, I wanted to scream “Well, what the hell is wrong with me then!?” I have never felt so exhausted in my entire life, and without any kind of medical explanation for it I can only assume one thing…Motherhood is getting to me.
I have a lot of new mommy friends that are feeling the same way, and while I have a toddler, they have infants at home. They’re dealing with sleepless nights, constant crying, the demands of breastfeeding, and adjusting to the fact that their little ones are completely dependant on them for everything in this stage of life. It is understandable that they be walking zombies. I know I felt overwhelmed in the beginning, and suffered several breakdowns as a result of lack of sleep. I thought it would get easier, that I would fall into my mama groove as my child got older, but this perpetual state of fatigue seems to have taken over my life. Motherhood is hard, and just when I feel that I have somewhat of a handle on it, it suddenly changes and becomes more difficult, and I regress. The biggest challenge has been keeping up with my 4 year old’s energy level. He is wired and electric every second of the day, and while I am an active playtime participant, there are times that if I sit still or lay down for just a moment, I’ll fall into the deepest slumber of my life, only to woken by little toddler smacks. “Mommy wake up! Don’t go to sleep again! Puh-leeeeese!”…Quite frankly, it’s a little embarrassing.
How do these moms do it? I see women around my neighborhood with a toddler in a stroller, a couple of older kids on each side and an infant strapped to their chest, and I think to myself, “HOW? How is this woman still standing? How is she still coherent?” I only have one and I feel like a narcoleptic, absent-minded crazy person who’ll sometimes jump into the shower fully clothed, or leave for the supermarket wearing giant Minnie Mouse slippers, if any shoes at all. It’s gotten to a point that when asked about having a second child, it feels like as if any minute now my uterus is going to jump out of my body and run away to Canada, screaming. How can I have another kid when I can barely stay awake for this one!?!
As crazy as it all sounds, I know that what I am going through is somewhat normal. Truth is, motherhood will never get easier. Nothing worth having in life comes easy. I know that my coping mechanisms will improve as my son and I continue to grow together and adapt to eachothers schedules, and that being this tired and feeling a little cuckoo from time to time is all part of the process…uh, right?