My hero, Dorothy Parker, once said “The cure for boredom is curiosity.
There is no cure for curiosity.” This quote springs to mind usually around my sixth diaper change of the day. I have become pretty bored, although the moments of boredom are flanked by overwhelming joy and fullfilment, I am bored nonetheless, and it’s starting to take its toll. I am sick of being a mopey mommy and am fully ready to start taking advantage of each and every day. Yes, the work of a mother is sometimes tedious, yes, it can me mind numbingly stressful, but lately I have become sick of myself. I have never been an upbeat, bubbly person; let’s get real, I’m a New Yorker. But lately mommyhood has taken me down a negative path and I’m tired of hearing myself say “Oh my god I’m so tired.”
To be honest, it’s getting hard justifying the complaints, after all, I wanted this. I wanted to be a mom. How can I complain about something that I wanted so badly? Every day I should be jumping for joy, beaming at the fact that I have my little baby……. right? Motherhood has been harder than I expected. The days seem longer, the nights shorter, and routine has taken on a “carved in stone” meaning. I feel like my world is getting smaller and I’m ready to shake it up.
I do love spending the time with my son, but I think I have come to terms with the fact that I am not made for staying at home. The guilt associated with this is terrible, but I am learning to come to terms with that as well. I am not supposed to be a stay at home mom, I do not want “mother” to be my job title. Parenting has become all consuming in the last few years and it has taken on a life of its own. There are Tiger Moms, Helicopter Parents, and baby wearers (oh my!), and I am none of these. I want a full time job and an active social life. I don’t need to have “mommy friends”, and I certainly do not only need to discuss the day to day happenings of my 7 month old. I am way too curious for all of that.
Now that I understand what I need in order to change my negative attitude into a positive one, I am ready to spring into action. I can’t promise to be bubbly or even upbeat, but I can promise to be a more awake, a more alive mom, and an even more enthusiastic individual. I know I will fight feelings of guilt along the way, but I have too much to be grateful for to let my life slip past me, I’ll turn around and my son will be 18, and I would hate to feel like I missed out on his life and mine because I didn’t go after what makes me happy.